Artie

13Jul09

Tired of constantly being broke, & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young man decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A friend of a friend put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side, underworld figure who went by the name of ‘Artie’.

Artie explained to the husband that the going rate for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he cold collect his wife’s insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands.

As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene.

Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store’s security guard, who immediately called the police.

Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband, who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared………..

[You’re going to hate me for this]

‘ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO!’

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