Amusing Adverts/Signs

16Feb06

The bread and butter of the mistake spotter, these hilarious howlers crop up all over the place…

Outside a Farm: “Person wanted to wash, iron and milk three cows”

For Sale Ad: “Desk for sale. Suit female with thick legs and large drawers”

Travel Ad: “One week’s holiday in an Igloo flying from Gatwick in December”

Outside a Second-hand Shop: “We swap anything – bicycles, washing machines etc. Bring along your wife and get a bargain!”

Sign in an Athens hotel: “Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am daily.”

In an Austrian hotel catering for skiers: “Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.”

In a Bangkok dry cleaners: “Drop your trousers here for best results.”

Outside a Paris shop: “Dresses for street walking.”

On a menu in a restaurant in Greece: “Roast spaghetti with frigid mice balls.”

Sign outside another Greek taverna: “We spit on your chicken.”

Heard over shop PA system: “Can someone fetch some toilet rolls as the customer can’t wait any longer!”

Shop PA system again: “Can someone help our assistant in the toy department who has a customer there by the balls!”

Advert for a home help: “Hovering a speciality.”

Sign outside a Paris cafรฉ: “Persons must not sit at tables without consummation.”

Outside a dry-cleaners: “We don’t damage your clothes with machines, we do it by hand.”

Outside a shop: “No Dogs and No Smoking (except Guide Dogs).”

Outside a cafe: “Drinks to take away or sit in.”

Sign in a launderette: “Half price days – Wednesday for sheets and quilts and Thursday for old age pensioners.”

Job Ad: “Assistant school cook required. No objection to sex.”

Lonely Hearts Column: “Professional male, 34, seeks similar female 28-38 to travel around the world and experience different vultures.”

Sign outside cemetery: “Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from all but their own graves.”

On a packet of ready-made pastry: “Enough for 4 persons or a dozen little tarts.”

Sign in a Norwegian lounge: “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.”

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: “If this is your first visit to the U.S.S.R., you are welcome to it.”

An airline ticket office in Copenhagen: “We take your bags and send them in all directions.”

In an African hotel you may choose between: “A room with a view on the sea or the backside of the country.”

Sign in a clothing store in Brussels: “Come inside and have a fit.”

Notice in a Madrid hotel: “If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence, please cry out for the chambermaid.”

Notice in a Rumanian hotel elevator: “The lift is being fixed for the next days. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.”

Brochure for a Lisbon hotel: “If you wish for breakfast, lift the telephone and ask for room service. This will be enough for you to bring your food up.”

Advert in a Scottish harbour: “For sale boat single owner green in colour.”

Sign at Budapest’s zoo: “Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food give it to the guard on duty.”

Brochure for a Polish hotel: “As for the trout served you at the hotel monopol, you will be singing its praise to your grandchildren as you lie on your deathbed.”

Sign outside a Seville tailor’s shop: “Order now your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation”

Sign in an Istanbul doorway: “American dentist, 2th floor. Teeth extracted by latest methodists.”

Sign in a Sorrento hotel: “Contact the concierge immediately for informations. Please don’t wait last minutes then it will be too late to arrange any inconveniences.”

Sign in a German hospital: “No children allowed in the maternity wards.”

Sign in an Athens hotel: “If you consider our help impolite, you should see the manager.”

Sign in a Kowloon hotel: “Is forbidden to steal hotel towels. Please if you are not person to do such is please not to read notice”

Brochure for Czechoslovakian tourist agency: “Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.”

Sign in a Rome laundry: “Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.”

Advert outside a London restaurant: “Wanted : man to wash dishes and two waitresses.”

Notice in a Vienna hotel: “In case of fire do your utmost to alarm the hall porter.”

On the drinks list in a cafe: “Flesh juice.”

Sign outside the Hotel Four Seasons: “Closed for winter.”

On the menu of a Restaurant in Crete: “Special – Lamp chops.”

Sign outside a tailor’s shop: “Shirts for men with 15 necks.”

Sign at the car park of a nudist camp: “Pay and display.”

On the menu of a restaurant on Jersey: “All day breakfast served 8.30-10.30am.”

Sign at a train station: “Please do not run down the stairs – use the handrail.”

Outside a funeral directors: “Parking for clients only.”

Sign in a Turkish restaurant: “For English see our backside.”

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