More Jokes

20Oct05

It’s amazing what you find flying around the intranet at Bangor...

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, “Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?”

The man says back to the blind man, “Look buddy, I’m blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?”

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, “Nah, I wouldn’t want to have to explain it five times.”

13 Reasons Why it is so cool to be a man

1) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

3) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

4) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

5) Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

6) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

7) Same work, more pay.

8) Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

9) Wedding dress: $2,000. Tuxedo rental: $75.

10) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

11) You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

12) The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

13) Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

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A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”

————————————————————–

Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn’t fire, but shouted in triumph, “We got it! We got it!”

——————————————–

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the grad student. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless.” Poof! He’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the post-doc. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.” Poof! He’s gone.

“You’re next,” the genie says to the professor.

The professor says, “I want those guys back in the lab after lunch.”

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