Thomas’s Site

Artie

13Jul09

Tired of constantly being broke, & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young man decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A friend of a friend put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side, underworld figure who went by the name of ‘Artie’.

Artie explained to the husband that the going rate for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he cold collect his wife’s insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands.

As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene.

Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store’s security guard, who immediately called the police.

Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband, who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared………..

[You're going to hate me for this]

‘ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO!’

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March

31Mar09

Seeing as there’s been no news for March and I’d hate to miss a beat, here’s a March post. Happy?

Filed under: News | 2 Comments

$10 Monkeys

03Feb09

A little blog-filler…

Once upon a time in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their effort.

The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching. The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

While the man was away the assistant told the villagers. ‘Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.’

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant again and once again there were monkeys everywhere.

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

Filed under: News | 2 Comments

Twickenham Respite

18Jan09

Visiting Carolan and Frodo in London, we went to see Wasps vs Leinster at Twickenham which was awesome!

Before that we visited the Science Museum! Launch pad was as good as ever and we browsed around some of the other areas too. Tomorrow we’re off to the transport Museum!

Photos below:

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Tags: london, rugby

Channel Hopping

27Dec08

I’m currently sitting in the lounge examining the 1000 or so channels offered on the telebox. Some beautifully diverse, and sometimes bizarre programmes:

Radio
1) Polish Rock Music (couldn’t understand much)
2) Yorkshire Radio (ditto :p)
3) Dutch International (great accents talking about cucumbers in greenhouses, and how to cross breed Indian white cucumbers with European ones, apparently “the cucumber of the future” when asked “what’s wrong with current cucumbers”…)
4) Absolute Classic Rock (simply for having to qualify itself)
5) Absolute Xtreme (”new music, no limits”)
6) InsightRadio (station of the RNIB – Royal National Institute of Blind People)
7) Akash Radio (the Bhangra Show with DJ XXL from Unit 14 in Middlesex)
ArrwRock (”non stop music on The Arrow”. I may phone them to point out the typo.
9) CC Radio (with Chuck presenting an omnibus of Pastor’s Perspective and the old testament). These guys really know the bible inside out, quite remarkable.
10) EWTN (”Friars intone gregorian chants as visiting priests and prelates concelebrate this sacrament instituted by Christ.”)
11) BBC R n Gael (think this is a Scottish Gaelic station – “aig an am seo bithidh Radio nan Gaidheal a’ tilleadh gu Radio Alba”?)
12) BBC R Ulster (”how rock and roll saved norther ireland: did a concert by U2 and Ash save the Good Friday Agreement?”)

TV
996 ChlLine – up
Imagine a bingo announcer running through all 1000+ channels on a loop. He must get really excited when there’s new channels.

954 Northern Birds
oh dear…

And more “programmes start after 9pm”…
“pay per night, only £5.99…”

886 Psychic TV
Soundbite: “psychics are really wise” talking about “love issues”
090 number

884 AudiChannel
Their target market must be bored people like me channel hopping.

878 ChatBox
Essentially a dating channel with really bad phone-in recordings.

876 GayDateTV
“Meet men from Poland”

820 PeaceTV
Er, right

700-760 non-stop Sky Box Office channels Zzzzzz

659 Shop on TV

Sorry lost the will to live. I doubt I’ll be back for the 600s and lower…

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Crib Goch by Night!

21Dec08

Another moonlit/stary night (in parts!) lent favour to a traverse of Crib Goch. A 7.30pm start seemed reasonable until we couldn’t get down the miners (zig-zags) owing to vast quantities of crunchy snow (and no metalwork). Thus a trek over Snowdon summit and a descent to complete the horseshoe (over Lliwedd) was needed, resulting in a 3am finish!

: Llanberis Pass from Crib Goch

: The ‘knife-edge’ bit

: Say cheese!

: Snow patch climbing

: Llyn Llydaw outflow!

: Reflecting moonlight

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Night Hike!

21Dec08

In the absence of any daylight, another clear night presented itself last week with a full moon. Unfortunately the moon disappeared but we had a great time sliding and skating around on snowfields and lakes in the vicinity of Tryfan, Snowdonia.

: Cars and the moon

: hehe

: Bizarre head-torches

: Llyn Caseg-fraith

: Light Trails

: Llyn Caseg-fraith

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To Sam:

14Dec08

I’m now at the top of your blog roll. See you again shortly

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Them trains again

07Dec08

I’m currently at Birmingham International, this is an Airport and not somewhere I expected to end up on the way back from London. Indeed the train that I wasn’t able to catch at Euston (”reservations only”) is the very same train I will be picking up from here, albeit after a trip via Northampton on a National Express Coach. Go figure, gah! Alas, I’ll be back by 11:30pm I think.

Here is a lovely photo of my progress: